Have you ever wondered how some people happen to become instantly friends with people wherever they go while others are not?
Be it at a party, wedding, house warming ceremony, business convention, or whatever social gathering, making friends for these people seems to be so easy that it often puzzles most of us.
Just imagine how cool things would be if you could make friends easily just like them. From helping you expand your business network to connecting with fellow artists to meeting the love of your life, learning the art of making friends can drastically benefit you in many ways. The perks of mastering this skill is limitless.
The good news is, you can learn it easily too.
In this article, we will discuss some of the proven techniques to help you make more friends and also improve the quality of your present relationships.
1. Listen
Of all the things we are about to talk in this article, nothing is as important as listening skill. I can’t stress the importance of it enough.
When you listen to somebody when they are talking, it shows that you respect them. I agree that it can be a bit hard at times to control the impulse to intervene and talk. But, controlling that urge and waiting to express your thoughts till a person completes his point, shows how much you value them.
One of the prime reasons why relationships fall apart and crumble is because of the lack of listening skill. If you can’t listen to your wife or friend properly, then how will you understand the unspoken words that can only be felt by actively listening to them?
Consequently, the likeliness of them opening up things to you and getting closer is hampered, and thus, they will find no use in talking to someone who doesn’t have the courtesy to listen.
It is as simple as that.
Moreover, listening without interrupting shows them how self-controlled a person you are. In other words, this inability to control your urge to interrupt them says a lot about your character more than the words you speak.
It might be even something as cool as a hilarious punchline that you think would impress them, if you chimed in; but refrain from doing that until they are done. Though they may be laughing at your joke, this kind of behaviour creates a bad impression on you.
Also, since it’s mostly the first impressions that count—when you meet someone new, odds are high that you may never get a chance to talk to them ever again.
Maybe the ones that are close to you wouldn’t have commented on this. But the hard truth is that it’s having a negative impact on even your current relationships, bit by bit.
So, the next time when someone is talking to you, give them your undivided attention. Ask a few questions, and acknowledge them with some non-lexical fillers, to let them know that are you are listening sincerely. But apart from these, don’t try to experiment any new things that might risk a potentially long-lasting and valuable relationship.
Guess what would happen if you follow all these?
You will see the other person getting very interested in telling you more things, and thereby, their respect for you grows into leaps and bounds. In short, you will become so memorable with new people and the quality of your current relationships will experience a steady growth curve.
Furthermore, when you hone your listening skills in relationships, it translates into wise decisions in your profession. That’s because, as I said earlier, listening is the master of all skills.
You will get more clients for your business, your performance as an employee skyrockets, you are more likely to create products that people would want to buy—as you will become adept at listening to your customers and therefore would read the markets well, or even would create a whole new market.
Not only in terms of business, your performance as an artist, doctor, lawyer, athlete, an interior designer or whatever your profession might be, takes a quantum leap in productivity.
2. Smile
Give me an honest answer for this question. Whom between the two individuals would you be more comfortable to approach first at a party: A. Someone who is smiling while talking over a cell phone. And, B. Someone who is also talking over mobile phone, but has a neutral face expression.
I believe most of us would pick the one that smiles, to the one that has a blank expression.
The logic behind this is very simple.
We find people that smile to be more friendly and welcoming than others who don’t.
When you smile at someone the moment you meet them, it tells that you are very glad to meet them. It also conveys the meaning that you respect that person.
Say, for example, your father introduces you to a high-profile person at a ceremony—a famous TV actor. Would you just shake hands with him, without even smiling?
No, not at all.
Why?
Because, that’s a kind gesture to say them that you enjoy their presence.
On that note, make sure your smile is genuine. Fake smiles can be easily identified and it would make things work the other way around.
Fake smiles could have very serious consequences on relationships as it might portray you as a phony person.
In other words, as Dale Carnegie puts it, people are not that naive to overlook a fake smile.
I would rather suggest you to not smile at all, than faking it.
Besides, smiling also makes you look very confident, which again adds more charm to your personality.
3. Make Eye Contact
Making eye contact when you are speaking with someone shows that you mean what you say. The same thing applies while listening as well.
Maintaining a sustained eye contact shows the other person that you are actively listening and paying attention.
On top of that, it shows the kind of respect—like actively listening and smiling—you give to that person.
Try to rewind some of your favourite love scenes from movies. One common thing you will find in almost all these scenes is that all the while they were expressing their emotions, the actors would have maintained a good eye contact with fellow actors.
Eye contact = Respect + empathy + ca
On top of that, it shows the kind of respect—like actively listening and smiling—you give to that person.
Try to rewind some of your favourite love scenes from movies. One common thing you will find in almost all these scenes is that all the while they were expressing their emotions, the actors would have maintained a good eye contact with fellow actors.
Eye contact = Respect + empathy + care + attention
Alongside, when you look someone in the eye when they are saying something, you will be able to understand the kind of emotion they are saying it with.
No wonder why some of the things that we wish to express gets conveyed to someone in a different way.
When was the last time you were saying something to someone and that person seemed to be so interested in listening to you that you said more things than you thought you would?
If you analyse what had happened during that conversation, you would realize that they maintained sustained eye contact throughout the talk.
So, these are the three tried-and-tested ways that can, for sure, help you in making new friends and the relationship with your present ones better. Furthermore, making a great first impression doesn’t just stop with application of these three tips. There are a few more other things that you could follow to make things work for you. I will write about them in my upcoming posts